networkingtips2's Journal

Do You Want to Achieve in 13 Months What Takes Others 18 years?

Business networking - I was recently listening to a speech by Ori Brafman, author of Click, at Stanford and was really intrigued by one of the things that he was explaining. Where I work they are big on “actions”, you know, the things you do. They will measure them, monitor them and report them. All in an effort to keep us on track and achieving our goals. I’ve proposed a lot of different actions that you as a budding networker can take to get yourself moving in the right direction as well. What Ori was speaking about was however the “effectiveness” of those actions. This is what is sometimes missing from many training programs that teach everything from how to learn piano to how to learn Spanish. They tend to focus on the actions that need to be taken but don’t explain how they can be most effective.

Being someone who believes very heavily in the 80/20 rule, working to increase the effectiveness of my networking actions I was very interested. Before we continue I’d like you to answer yes or no to the following three questions:

1. I find it hard to imitate behaviour of other people

2. I have trouble changing my behaviour to suit different people or circumstances

3. I can make impromptu speeches on topics even if I have no information

What Brafman explained was the concept of self-monitoring. Specifically that high self-monitors were able to be more effective in social interactions in forming a bond with the person they were interacting with. High self-monitors would have answered the three questions above as no, no, yes.

His point was that natural high self-monitors are able to form a connection with someone very easily and they do this by modulating their interactions to suit the person they are interacting with. I don’t mean being “fake”, I mean that they focus on commonality, they mirror body language, tone, timber etc. They make themselves seem similar to the other person and meet them where they are.

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I was most impressed with the following finding he cited. He explained that it can take a normal person 18 years to reach the center of a network (presumably the best place in a network to be!). For a high self-monitor, it takes all of 13 months. Yes, MONTHS! Not only that but high self-monitors get promoted quicker and make more money.

Alight, so you’re sold on the benefits of being a high self-monitor. What do you do now? Here are a few effective actions you can take:

· Pay close attention to the person you a interacting with. Focus on how they stand, talk, gesture etc. Try to mirror those qualities. Be careful not copy as that can backfire and make you look odd. You want your body and voice to subtly communicate that you are similar to them.

· Find commonality with the person you are speaking to. Late night talk show hosts are great at this. They bring a guest on and then they swap stories about something they have in common.

· Be aware of your environment. Where are you? What is acceptable behaviour there? A perfect example of this is the loud talker at a quiet restaurant. Change your behaviour to suit your surroundings.

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Current Mood: cheerful